When a death occurs in a family, adults are not the only ones who grieve. Children feel loss deeply too, even if they don’t always have the words to express it. Their understanding of death changes with age, and so does the way they show their emotions. As caregivers, family members, and support people, we can play an important role in helping children feel safe, heard, and supported during this difficult time.
One of the most important things we can do is speak honestly and simply. Using clear, gentle language helps prevent confusion and fear. Avoid euphemisms such as “gone to sleep” or “passed away,” as these can be misunderstood by younger children and may create anxiety. Instead, explain that the person has died and that this means their body has stopped working and they will not be coming back.
Children often take their cues from the adults around them. Letting them see that it’s okay to feel sad, cry, or talk about the person who has died teaches them that their own feelings are normal. At the same time, reassure them that they are safe and cared for. Consistency, routine, and familiarity can provide comfort when everything else feels uncertain.
Every child grieves differently. Some may ask many questions, while others may become quiet or withdrawn. Some may express their grief through play, drawings, or changes in behaviour rather than through words. Try to meet children where they are, without forcing conversations or expecting a particular response. Gentle invitations such as, “Do you want to talk about how you’re feeling?” can open the door without pressure.
Including children in farewell rituals, when appropriate, can also be helpful. Attending a funeral or memorial service, lighting a candle, writing a letter, or creating a small keepsake can give them a sense of involvement and a way to say goodbye. Beforehand, explain what they might see and hear, and let them know they can step away at any time if it feels overwhelming.
It’s also important to remember that grief does not follow a straight line. Children may seem fine one day and struggle the next, even months later. Milestones, holidays, and anniversaries can bring renewed feelings of sadness. Ongoing patience and understanding are key.
Sometimes, additional support is needed. If a child shows persistent changes in sleep, appetite, mood, or behaviour, or seems unable to cope, speaking with a counsellor or grief specialist can be very beneficial.
Above all, children need to know they are not alone. By offering honest communication, steady reassurance, and loving presence, we help them learn that while loss is painful, they are surrounded by care, compassion, and support.
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